How To Corrupt Anything

Some people and professions are, and should be incorruptible, in theory. Thanks to the people at the top, this can be changed.

Case in point, Chautala's arrest for amassing Rs. 100 crores while recruiting 3000 teachers in Haryana (about Rs. 3 lakhs per person). While the amount is not really huge, what it does is:

A) Lowers the quality of the teachers.

B) Leads to corruption in the noble profession of teachers to cover the expenditure of Rs. 3 lakhs.

Both of them, a significant problem for the future generations. 

They not only have to compromise on the quality of education from the unqualified teachers, but also think that it is alright for them to land jobs illegally when they grow up. 

The teachers, on the other hand, will make money by forcing the students to take tuition, leak papers, etc..

If a teacher teaches a half hour class of 40 students, and takes 6 classes daily, it comes to about 720,000 students being exposed to crappy education for a year in just one state alone.

Even if half of these students grow up thinking that corruption is OK, that's a major impact to the society.

Replace that with recruiting police, paper pushers, bean counters, sweepers etc. and the result is the same. Corruption at the top rots everything. In the grand scheme of things, for a man who was accused of amassing Rs. 14,000 crores (in 2006), 100 crore is a measly amount. But what he did to corrupt one more profession can take a lifetime to clean up.

What's my point? Nothing, really. I just wanted to vent this out for the longest of long time and hadn't found the time to write it down. Will this make a difference? None at all.

But, do think about it when you offer someone a bribe. For you, it could be a small amount of Rs. 100, but in the bigger picture, it leads the whole system to rot further.

First, there was nothing, then God said, "Let there be corruption," and then there was darkness.

Interest From Vote Banks: The Untapped Revenue

"Yes, we can!"

Before you disregard this as a sequel to "The Secret", or a popular electoral chant, read on. 

We complain about the lack of accountability in India but other than cribbing about it, no one wants to deal with the root cause. Honestly, you can't really blame the politicians for everything, the voters are at fault here as well.
"Hamara kya jaata hai, baday log tax dete hain, hamay toh muft daru mil jaati hai na election ke time." 

But seriously, why, in a population of 1.21 billion people, we only hear the few voices of discontent from the urban/middle class landscape? Because they are the ones who are directly contributing to taxes, which makes them upset about "their" money being misused. 

[Only 2.7% earn enough to be eligible for taxes. That's about 32 million people who are burdened, to collect Rs. 1,12,114 crores (Tax collection - 2011)] about 10% of government's total expenditure: Rs. 12,16,576 crores (Planned and Non-Planned) Source: http://indiabudget.nic.in/ub2011-12/eb/be.pdf ]

If you think about it, only 10% of the money that is required by this giant nation of hungry mouths is met by 2.7% people. These 32 million people, armed with their glasses of scotch and the internet are genuinely pissed-off. They are not getting their money's worth when it comes to infrastructure and law & order.

Really, all it boils to being unhappy with the government is if it's your own money at stake.


So, how do you generate interest from the rest of the nation? 

Tax them. Well, make them file taxes, get them involved and give them the pride, self respect and reason to crib about their conditions. Because once you pay for the membership to this secretly discontent club, you suddenly have the right documents to ask questions without any fear.

The total Indian workforce in 2009-10 was 460.6 million, out of which, 75.6 million are regular employees and 151.7 million are casual labor. 

Let's just take a look at the numbers: 75.6 +151.7 = 227.3 million. 

Here's what I propose: 

Most of these people earn way below the Rs. 1,80,000 tax exemption slab so they are not even liable to file any taxes. Average daily wages of labor (semi-skilled and helpers) Rs. 5000/month. The govt can add a 2% tax on their wages. 1% from the employer and 1% from the employee. That's Rs. 100/month or Rs 1200 per year. 

227.3 million X 1200 = Rs. 272.760 Billion revenue generated per year from the working force. 

What's in it for the labor? 

Simple. They file for taxes at the end of the year and collect their Rs. 600 back and call it a bonus for being part of a legit system. 

What's in it for the government? 

Apart from the Rs. 136.38 billion (Rs.13638 crore) added revenue, plus about 10% interest collected on the other half or Rs. 1363.8 cr.

Grand total: Rs. 15,001 crore of chump change, by doing absolutely nothing. 

Believe it or not, this figure is higher than Haryana's total excise revenue last year. Rs. 11,677 crores.

This money could be used for any number of developmental programs for the labor:
running water, housing, electricity, better roads, education (at all levels, including better training centers to get them upgraded).

It also provides the government with a fool-proof method of identifying anyone who is contributing to the society.

This is a win-win for everyone, including the industries who are facing a shortage on skilled labor. Or, you could also waive off the education cess on the excise duty, will make things cheaper for the general public and you the extra money to offset it.

Think about it, Mr. Finance Minister, it really is not that difficult. If you accept my proposal, I take payments in cheese.

How To Rule, FOREVER: 101

I have a dream, said someone important once. He did not rule a nation or an empire.

That is the problem, dreamers don't rule, they only help people understand what is wrong with their reality.

So what makes a leader, a genuine, in your face, son after son after daughter after son ruler? 

Simple, Shortage. 

"Whatttt?! Surely you jest, Mr. Rat, check the expiry date on that cheese again!" 

Let's look at the feudal system: 

You have the king, his middle management and his people. 

His people were mostly workers, working their butt off, paying taxes in form of service/grains/livestock in return got protection, which works fine until there was unrest due to some dreamers, who saw the flaw in the system. 

Luckily, blight, drought, or heavenly locusts were always around the corner. This is where our shortage comes in handy. The king has the reserves in his granary, he still demands taxes that people can't pay, so you jail some, maim a few, create terror and rule. But, a king can't always be cruel to rule (yeah, I put the rule in cruel there), so every now and then, free grains to the guy who has a hot daughter/wife/sister. 

This does 2 things (besides the obvious of scoring with a hottie): 

1) Makes someone dependent for life (give a man quarter of a fish everyday, eh!) 

2) Create a divide among the population 

The guy who got shit for free, loves the king, swearing his allegiance forever, 

"Rajahji ki jai...Hamara neta amar rahe.." 

The family of the guy who got maimed and jailed is scared, which leaves less than 2% who still dare to dream, who are busy on the internet writing crap like this. 

Does this apply in today's scenario? SP's recent victory in UP surely suggests it. Unemployment Allowances for people who may or may not be eligible for the benefit, without doing anything. What could be better? A legion of early to mid 20s, completely dependent on the government for money and have nothing to do all day than to screw their wives, making babies and securing the future of the next generation of the politicians. 

The only problem, how to stop the dreamers? Create a shortage of schools. Which creates a shortage of teachers for the future, which creates a shortage of...well, you get the picture. 

So you see kids, it is that simple. That is what 5000 years of sub-continent history teaches us. 

It is in our genetic code, be a bunch of lazy bastards who love free handouts. 

If there is a shortage or limited supply of essential commodities, find a way to control it. 

Can't create a shortage? Ask the people to procreate. "Go forth and multiply!" the good Lord said to his people. 

So, join me, create a shortage of whatever you can get your hands on and we shall rule the world, TOGETHER!  

"...and you get an island..and you get an island...and...ISLANDS FOR EVERYONE!"

"Look! An elephant."

"Look! An elephant." 

A normal statement for most, if you live in India. The presence is majestic, even when you see the wetness around the eyes. But wait, what the heck is wrong with Rat? Is he becoming a PETA activist? Nah, I just thought I'd grab some attention there.

Moving on, the reason I thought of it is because I saw one yesterday on the road. The wedding season is upon us and elephants in a wedding procession always represent royalty. The elephants are trained to not react to the fireworks, brass bands, drums and blingy clothes, apparently.

There is a Buddhist story about a king who gets blind men to touch touch and elephant and describe it:
"The men assert the elephant is either like a pot (the blind man who felt the elephants' head), a winnowing basket (ear), a plowshare (tusk), a plow (trunk), a granary (body), a pillar (foot), a mortar (back), a pestle (tail) or a brush (tip of the tail)." 
(details at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_men_and_an_elephant)

We are all bound by our perception, depending on which sense we rely most upon on a daily basis. I used to think that I am better than most with my education and upbringing and I can always see the bigger picture. Fortunately, that notion was shattered as I matured. It comes with a price though, if you have spent your cognitive years alienating people sitting on your high-elephant, chances are, there's no one around to share your 'maturity' with.

Which brings me to why I am writing this. I joined twitter because of what I perceived everyday, some bad, some worse. I followed people who were just as miserable with things. That lasted about a month and thanks to the funnies, I have changed my daily observations to be sometimes good, sometimes great. Don't get me wrong, the world is still the big bad wolf that is trying to get us all, but I am glad that 2000 people feel that at least I am on their side. Thank you all for following and 'listening'.

So what does an elephant mean to me? I always have associated just one memory with it, driving cross country with my parent's pointing out different animals to us brothers. And hopefully, I can do the same one day,
"Look kiddo, an elephant."

5 minutes can last a lifetime.

"What is the definition of work?"

The words still haunt me. Been a long time, but I have not forgotten the countless excuses that I thought of to deflect it. The first one was, "This is not part of the syllabus."

What I really wanted to say was, "If I knew the answer to this, I wouldn't be sitting here facing you with a look of failure, Mr. Engineer Man!" I was taught different though, respect the authority. The stern look told me that BS was not acceptable this time. I had flunked my physics exam and someone was going to pay for this. It was going to be me. "I don't know," I replied, eventually.

"Its Force times Distance," he said.
I sat there, reflecting on the relevance of the answer to my situation and the next sentence drove home the point. "I see you studying, but the achievement is zero. You are pushing against a wall, applying a lot of force but have not moved it a bit. Distance = zero. Force X 0 = 0. Which is what you have."

I resented the humiliation and resented my mother for sending me to the lion's den. Luckily no one was around to see it. It made sense and thought I had found a better excuse. I am just bad at pushing a wall.
6 years later, I had aced every physics exam at the university. I was the curve wrecker a few of times.

I forget to thank my father sometimes for teaching me the value of moving the wall, instead of just pushing at it. That 5 minute lecture has taught me more than any physics professor could have ever taught me.